Jeff Kulik is the genius behind a number of wickedly unusual and violently contagious documentary films, including the 1986 cult classic, "Heavy Metal Parking Lot." In Heavy Metal Parking Lot (HMPL), which he made with fellow documentary filmmaker John Heyn, Jeff interviewed a bunch of kids hanging out in the parking lot before a Judas Priest show in 1986. The film is one of the most astonishing forays into the peep show of white trash metal Americana as one could ever hope to see. In honor of HMPL's 15th anniversary, I asked Jeff if I could interview him. Jeff and John had already done numerous interviews at that point about HMPL. I assumed (and it was verified) that Jeff might be getting a bit sick of telling the HMPL story over and over, so I opted for a different approach. Although Jeff is best known for HMPL, he has authored countless other films including, 'Neil Diamond Parking Lot', 'Harry Potter Parking Lot', 'King of the Freaks', 'I Created Lancelot Link,' "King of Porn' and 'Ernest Borgnine on the Bus'. In the following interview, I get down and dirty with the real Jeff Krulik, in hopes of finding out why:

If you would like to read some more traditional interviews, full of some excellent HMPL material, here are some especially great ones. And I encourage you to read them.

NY Press / The Seattle Stranger / Washington Post / Penthouse

You can also go to Jeff's website, Planet Krulik, to view all of his videos in their entirety, free-of-charge!!

Interview with Jeff Krulik, By Two Gun Mathilda

JK: 'Well the web has just been a great tool for what I've been doing. ...How stuff can just get passed around."

TGM: "I can't believe that all of your stuff is posted right there! All your videos, etc.."

JK: "I've done so many shorts and so many different videos...and I have a very sympathetic and generous host, as well as another person who helped me put it into Real Video and Quicktime streaming. I'm real pleased with it. We took it from beta, from the best quality masters and converted it. I don't really know the technology as well as one should. People have been pitching in... I never expected people to necessarily watch it - but the idea that it was there means they could. You know, it's perfect for goofing off at a job, among other things."

TGM: "I can attest to that! And I was so happy and surprised to see the trailer for 'Beyond the Valley of the Dolls' up there. I've never seen that anywhere."

JK: "Thanks! That's great! Yeah, that's a real favorite movie of mine too...and a real influence. It's my tribute to Russ Meyer. What happened is, basically, all that just went up there fairly recently. The last collection I did was almost a year ago - and that was Planet Krulik 2000 - which was all shorts, you know, things that haven't gotten off my shelf, things that I've put together into the 90 minute package. I led it all off with the 'Beyond the Valley of the dolls' movie tralier. I wanted to set the tone for my collection."

TGM: "Now tell me about 'king of Freaks."

JK: "It's been a lifelong interest of mine and I was fortunate enough to meet Johnny Eck. it was a pretty wild experience! I did it actually with the fellow (John Heyn) with whom I did 'Heavy Metal Parking Lot.' We just managed to one day track Johnny down, whih was a real odyssey. And then we managed to spend some time with him at his house."

TGM: "How did you 'track him down?"

JK: "It was pretty crazy. We ended up looking through the phone book under Eck, which went no where. There were 18 Ecks in Baltimore, and John Heyn was from the Baltimore area. So we just went up one day. This was in 1986. So we just decided to find him.......cause we knew he was still alive and living in Baltimore. So we looked up all the Ecks in the phonebook and just started calling them..... One person said, "I'm not related to him but I know the neighborhood he used to live in." He said he used to hang out on this stoop across from the post office in this certain neighborhood on Melton Avenue. So we just actually went over there. I started asking around and one girl, this little girl...I said, "There's a man with no legs....does he live around here?" And she said "Oh yeah, the man with no legs. He lives over there." And she literally pointed us to his house. It was a really run down neighborhood - really impoverished 15 years ago, even worse now. But we actually found it - and we were banging on the door...no answer...so we went behind his house and started shouting, "Johnny Eck! Johnny Eck!" His twin brother, Robert, came out and told us to go around the front. So we tell him we want to meet johnny, that we're sorry to bother him and he says, "Well come back in an hour. Johnny's asleep right now." So we went and ate something, and then came back and knocked on the door. Sure enough, there's Johnny Eck! He just greeted us at the door and had us sign his guestbook, which was neat. He must've been 76 at the time. He died in 1990 - I think was 80 when he died. Of course we didn't have a camera cause that would have been uncool, allthough boy would that have been great. He wouldn't have necessarily embraced it. The thing was, his last name was Eckhardt, or something. So 'Eck' was a stage name - which is why you wouldn't find him in the phone book. And he was pretty publicity shy, and wouldn't talk about being a freak; you know, about being in the movie 'Freaks' or performing in showbiz - because he was pretty bitter. He had had a bitter experience - he had been ripped off and what not. He just didn't have the fondest memories of it. But we talked about other things and he had us go into his house cause it started to rain really bad. He had a little chihauhua, and all this dog crap was everywhere. And a case of beer...just a mess. But you know, it was still really cool to have an audience of Johnny Eck. And we managed to have a correspondence with him afterwards, where we actually wrote each other. I've got photocopies of those letters....cause i had to trade them for something...which was a real drag. But when I was doing my 'Ernest Borgnine on Tour' project, we were pitching Ernest Borgnine and I wanted to have professional t-shirts printed up that were silk screened, like a rock band would have on tour. I wanted to pitch Ernest with a, "Hey, you know this would be a real hip show. Ernest Borgnine on Tour..." A guy I know was a t-shirt designer and I needed those shirts done real quickly and he was a sideshow collector. He said he was too busy but he'd do it for my letters. He extorted my Johnny Eck letters out of me. I decided at the time it was worth it."

TGM: "What other sorts of stuff do you collect?"

JK: "I've always been sort of a pack rat. I grew up collecting comic books and stamps. I was never interested in sports, so I was never a sports card collector. But I had the non-sports trading cards and things. And records. I'd do the thrift shop circuit, flea markets, and I used to be a record dealer."

TGM: "So what's the most impressive prank/April Fool's Day gag that you've ever commited?"

JK: "Pranks? I'm not a prankster necessarily. Some people may think that from my work, but no. I like Mel Sharp, Candid camera, Howard stern....you know, Studdering John....I love that stuff. I've never really done it myself though, at least professionally. I think as far as April Fools, I did something to my brother. I scared my brother once. I rigged up this burglar alarm in his room - this whole contraption with string, so that when he opened the door this thing would start shrieking. I set it up and then I went out to a party or something....I think I was about 15. But i was definately not home when this happened. And apparently, my brother got so freaked out that he slid down on his rear end on the stairs, screaming...gasping for air. So it really freaked him out - and I feel bad about this now. What happened is my father - the way they got me back - is he short sheeted my bed. Which I had never seen before - to this day I'm still not sure exactly what that entails. I never went to camp. I used to be in a group house and I used to really love tuna fish. I remember someone took one of the labels off my tuna fish and put it on a can of cat food. So when I went to open one of my beloved cans of tuna fish, well you know - I think I stared at it for a full minute before realizing what had happened. They got me."

TGM: "So then I'd imagine you've never been arrested?"

JK: "No, I've never been arrested, thank god. But I've been privy to people who have. I remember - I'm not proud of drinking and driving... it was 20 years ago, but I was going down to visit a friend at the University of Virginia, and we were somewhat intoxicated, and luckily stopped by the police. And my friend just ended up getting hauled off to jail. But, you know, I guess it could have been me."

TGM: "Well, atleast you learned your lesson. In that same vain, if you could pie any public figure or pop culture icon (or at least generously embarrass them), minus repercussions, who would it be and how would you do it?

JK: "Uh...I'm squirming. I probably would want to pie Jack Hemley, who was a kid who beat me up in 4th grade. But you want a public figure. Could I come back to this question? [After the interview was over, we came back to this question:] "It's so subjective. Adolf Hitler. But then a pie would be too beningn. Probably the people who decided to tear down all of the great theaters in D.C. I don't know. I'll still have to get back to you on that. But I often wonder what it would be like to have a pie thrown in my face...what would it be like? How do you maintain grace as a public figure when that happens. I mean, I'm a democrat. I'm not a hardcore republican basher. But I guess republicans. George W., Nixon? But I wouldn't be doing it........................You can put down that I thought that was a lame response. That was lame on my part. I have to practice my responses to questions like that."

TGM: "What was your most humbling/humiliating moment?"

JK: "I did the AIDS ride, and that was really humbling. I did that from North Carolina to Washington, D.C. two years ago. 330 miles, on my bike. My brother had done it, and they challenged me to do it with them. It was a lot of hard work, but it really paid off in that it was just a wonderful, humbling experience. You don't know that going into it - it didn't come over me until afterwards, when it was just very profound. You're doing it with people with HIV and it's challenging. And there's this great community spirit vibe that you can't help but get caught up in. So that was humbling. As far as humiliating, I know I've been embarassed. Maybe my Senior prom. I had a party after my Senior prom, and my mother got just hundreds of donuts and all this food - and we pulled out all these stops, to have people come over to my house after the prom. And I somehow neglected to invite people, just thinking word would get out through the grapevine, and I was too cool to put out an official invitation. So I ended up inviting just a few people. And only 12 people ended up showing up at my house. It was totally humiliating for me, and just really embarassing for those people who did come. And I had a lot of friends...I was the class president. But I just didn't invite anyone. Well the joke was on me."

[I later received the following email from Jeff Krulik:]

JK: "Two Gun Mathilda, I just remembered a better humiliating time where I offered to be a caterer for a night, and ended up having to do french service for one of this outrageously over the top affairs, the Bas Mitzvah of one of Kenneth Feld's (Ringling Bros. Circus etc) daughters. I had zero experience. My girlfriend at the time convinced me that it'd be a hoot since the previous Bas mitzvah had been legnedary in DC catering circles. I figured I'd do some sort of menial stuff, or at least be given a secondary or lower role. Instead, I got conscripted to be a waiter (french service which is really really tough), and I was assigned THE HEAD TABLE of grandparents and close relatives. They couldn't give me the kids table who obviously didn't care how they were served. I was so embarrassed. I felt bad for these people. I had no idea what I was doing. Luckily, another waiter helped me out a great deal so there was no spilling on grandpa or complete fuckups. But I was a nervous wreck all night. Now it's funny, but at the time I was mortified. I remember seeing lion tamer Gunther Gable Williams up close. Maybe the doughnut senior prom party disaster is a better story."

[Anyway]

TGM: "So what were you like as a kid?"

JK: "I was definately a class clown. I wasn't the class clown, but I was a class clown. I liked to get attention. I had what you could probably diagnose as an A.D.D. childhood, allthough it wasn't a real severe case of it. So I acted up a bit, spoke out in class. Nothing destructive, just a ham."

TGM: "So what did you want to be when you grew up?"

JK: "You know recently I found my Bar Mitzvah notice in the community Newspaper. It talked about what my interests were. The funniest thing is, at the end of it, it says that I want to be a veterinarian. And I did. I love animals, and i really wanted to be a veterinarian. but I remember distinctly going on a class trip to see a vet, and actually going and watching an operation. And I remember just being completely freaked out by the blood, and that's when things kind of went south for me with being a veterinarian."

TGM: "Who was your favorite comic book character?"

JK: "I was a big Marvel Comics guy. I was a big Fantastic Four fan. That's who I really liked. I wasn't a DC fan, I wasn't crazy about DC. Allthough I liked Swamp Thing. But yeah, Fantastic four, they were my characters."

TGM: "Do you/did you ever play any instruments?"

JK: "You know I took violin lessons. [tgm: "Oh lord, was it from Suzuki?"] Yes! That's right. I took violin lessons with Suzuki. And that was underwhelming. So that didn't go anywhere. And then I remember when I was a teenager I took guitar lessons - but they were group guitar lessons. And you know, it just couldn't suck more. And you know, I wanted to play Jimi Hendrix. But I just didn't have the the patience to stick with it. But I remember I taught myself Pink Floyd's, 'Wish You Were Here," and that was my big song.

TGM: "Let's say the Food network decided that in order to target a specific demographic (ie- "youth subculture"), they wanted to produce a segment about food and the metal aesthetic. They, of course, would ask you to write it and they'd fund your next three artistic endeavors to do so. What would it be like? What food do you think your metal epicureans might cook?"

JK: "HA HA HA! Ok. Metal food show. I guess it would be giant legs of turkey like you have at renaissance festivals - and it would be, like, Mead, and fruit salads, and...with vomitoriums. You'd be able to make a pig of yourself. As far as any kind of particular food, there'd have to be a lot of meat: red meat. And a lot of stew. mystery meat. that's what it is, mystery meat."

TGM: "Are you related to anyone famous?"

JK: "Well, my Great Uncle...my Father's uncle....my Grandmother's brother, was a shower curtain pioneer. Joseph A. Kaplan, and he died a few years ago. But he was considered a real housewares pioneer in that he invented luxury shower curtains. And so I'm very proud of that. My Father worked for the family business, he was a shower curtain sales representative. And my Great Uncle was a shower curtain pioneer. He's in the history books: Uncle Joe...Joe Kaplan, The Shower Curtain King...."

TGM: "Well jumping over to 'Heavy Metal Parking Lot', do you feel in any way responsible for the reality t.v explosion. That is, is the Real world really your idea?!"

JK: "Gosh, I wish I could take credit for that. I wish they'd hire me! I wish they'd give me a job working on it. you know, reality t.v. seems like the most logical step for television programming. I certainly can't take any credit, ha ha, however, I would like to ride some of the coat tails from it, or at least find a niche where I could fit in......since I've been doing reality for a while. I'm certainly not by any stretch the only person doing it."

TGM: "What are your future endeavors? What do you hope to see yourself accomplishing in the next few years?"

JK: Well, I'm kind of trying to break more into the mainstream. Actually, we just got written up in GQ, an interview with us about Heavy Metal Parking Lot. Basically, we appreciate any coverage and any chance we can get some exposure, but to break into the mainstream has been really gratifying. With 'Heavy Metal Parking Lot', or with any of the works.........the more we can do that, the better. I have a lot of spec projects that i'm hoping will break through into the mainstream, or get funding, or interest. i actually optioned a book, I have the rights to a book - it's called 'Tales of Times Square,' by Josh Alan Friedman. It's about the sex industry in New York. Josh actually wrote for 'Screw Magazine', he was a beat reporter covering Times Square for Screw in the late 70s and early 80s. Feral House [Adam Parfrey] republished it - so now it's in his catalog. I also have Heavy Metal Parking Lot, the movie, underway. We want to fictionalize the documentary and make a 90 minute feature, and take the documentary and turn it into, like, 'Rock and Roll highschool'. We have a script that's almost written, we have a person in L.A. who's kind of shopping it for us. We couldn't really sell it based on just the video and the treatment, we had to get an actual script written. So that's what we've done."

TGM: "Let's say that the government decided to pay Jeff Krulik to build a robot for them. What would your robot do and what would it look like?"

JK: "I guess I would build a robot like Hymie from 'Get Smart' with Richard Gautier. No, it would kinda be like the 'Lost in Space' robot. It would actually look like a robot, not with human features. It would have all wires, very traditional, like the way a robot's supposed to look: a science fiction, 50s robot.

TGM: "Would it do anything for you? ..Facilitate anything?"

JK: "No, no, it would just entertain me. It would warn me of danger, 'Warning, warning, warning Jeff Krulik. Your mother's coming...hide the dirty magazines."

[At this point we go back to the "pie in someone's face question...]

And finally, listen to the "Station Ids" Jeff did for Two Gun Mathilda!!: Real Audio / Windows Media Player